Guilt vs. Repentance

“Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret, but worldly grief produces death” (2 Cor. 7:10).

This verse from the rich book of 2 Corinthians tells us all we need to know about the difference between guilt and repentance.  This is an important distinction to make – it has extreme consequences for our spiritual lives, for the way we relate to God and the way we believe he relates to us.  It is an especially important distinction to make during the penitential season of Lent, when we spend time pondering the mystery and the harmfulness of our sin, and recognizing our corresponding need for a Savior.

Paul coins the term “Godly grief,” and he contrasts it with what we would call good old-fashioned guilt.  There are several things to know about Godly grief:  1) It produces “repentance,” a term that in the Scriptures is associated with a change of mind and heart, a conversion or turning; 2) This repentance, or change of heart, leads to salvation.  Why?  Because when we recognize and turn away from sin, we turn back to God; and 3) It “brings no regret.”  This is my favorite part.  Godly grief leads to repentance, which turns us to our Savior, who frees us mind and body.  When we turn to him with contrite hearts, the slate is wiped clean.  Life with no regret?  That sounds awesome!

“Worldly grief” is less complicated.  It just produces death.  Worldly grief (guilt) is the kind of sorrow and fretting that focuses on ourselves – what I did wrong, how bad I am, why I can’t stop.  The reason this kind of grief gets us nowhere is because it has no point of reference beyond ourselves.  It turns inward and stagnates.

Feeling bad for doing something wrong is a natural human emotion.  It brings us to a fork in the road.  In one direction, we can choose an open and honest sorrow for sin that unites us with a merciful God and reconciles us with our brothers and sisters (who are also sinners!).  In this direction we move rather freely toward salvation, unfettered by regret and shame.  In the other direction lies the dead end of guilt.  If we follow this path, we get tripped up by our own road blocks until we finally just stumble into a pit.  In the pit we feel restricted.  Trapped within ourselves, it is dark, and we lose all sense of direction.  We experience the slow, numbing death of negativity and self-loathing.  From the bottom of the pit, how could we think of a Savior when we can’t stop thinking about ourselves?  How can we hear his voice when we are so focused on the voices in our own heads?

This Lent, let’s cultivate Godly grief – not to be sad, but to be honest, to articulate within ourselves a need for something beyond ourselves, our need for the one who saves us.  This is how we live a life without regret.  This is how we live in salvation instead of death.  This is how we move seamlessly from penitence to joy and from Cross to Resurrection.

 

If you’re in my area, here are a few things going on in the next few weeks:

Sat., 3/7:  Share your Lenten journey with me at a Day of Reflection at the Caritas Christi Center in Hamden, CT.  We will reflect on the Cross of Jesus and how it is a source of strength for us.  The day will include quiet time for personal prayer.  Registration is required.  For more information, please click here and see “Lenten Retreat:  Finding Strength in the Weakness of my Cross."

Sun., 3/8:  The Hartford Catholic Biblical School is hosting a Scripture Day open to the public on Sun., March 8 at St. Thomas Seminary in Bloomfield.  Dr. Thomas Groome of Boston College will present on connecting the Bible to our lives.  The event is free, but registration is required.  Please click here for the event flyer and registration.

Sat., 3/14:  The World Meeting of Families is coming to Philadelphia this fall and…you might have heard Pope Francis is coming?!?  Connecticut is getting ready!  On the afternoon of March 14th, you can attend a World Meeting of Families CT Workshop.  A keynote speaker and a panel of presenters will discuss various aspects of the Church’s understanding of family.  The event will be held at the Knights of Columbus Museum in New Haven.  A lot of hard work and planning has gone into this event, and I’m sure it will be a worthwhile day.  Click here for the event flyer.

Feisty Children

As I write this post, my 4-year-old son is sitting in “time out” because he disobeyed Mom.  From his perspective, I am not being nice.  But from my perspective, this restrictive act (temporarily curtailing his freedom), is slowly setting my son free.  He is learning by cause and effect what is acceptable behavior in relationships so that once he is “full-grown,” he will make good use of all that free will.

Would you agree that Julian’s perspective right now is immature and incomplete?  Would you agree that he can trust me, that I have his best interest at heart?  Would you agree that I want nothing more than his happiness, and that I yearn for a strong, healthy and loving relationship with him when he is an adult (which is a much longer-term situation than how he feels about me tonight)?  Would you agree that what he is experiencing now is less like punishment and more like . . . molding clay (cf. Jer. 19:1-11)? 

Think of yourself as a feisty 4-year-old whose loving parent wants nothing more than your happiness, your freedom, and ultimately, your love.  Think of God patiently waiting for you to grow in maturity and wisdom – loving you, teaching you and nourishing you along the way. These words from the prophet Hosea tell it perfectly – tell of the parent whose “bands of love” are not always recognized as kindness by the sometimes rebellious, always beloved, child:

When Israel was a child, I loved him,
    and out of Egypt I called my son.
The more I called them,
    the more they went from me;
they kept sacrificing to [false gods],
    and offering incense to idols.

Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
    I took them up in my arms;
    but they did not know that I healed them.
I led them with cords of human kindness,
    with bands of love.
I was to them like those
    who lift infants to their cheeks.
    I bent down to them and fed them (Hosea 11:1-4).

Advice from a Boxer

I don’t typically take my spiritual advice from professional boxers.  But one day while driving, I happened to hear part of an interview with pro boxer George Foreman (yes, the one who named all five of his sons “George”).  With a stereotypical idea of what boxers are like, I was caught off guard by something he said.  Actually “caught off guard” doesn’t really do it justice.  I was quite touched!

Foreman was talking about his estranged relationship with his father, who was an alcoholic.  Foreman said that one day he looked at his father and asked himself, “Do I want to have a father or not?”  He realized his choice was to either forgive his father or just be without.  He decided to forgive him even though it was very, very hard.  Foreman went on to say that forgiveness is the greatest of life’s lessons, an indispensable life skill.  Without forgiveness, he said, there are no relationships.

If I had heard this sentiment during a homily, I probably would have mildly appreciated it and gone on with my life.  But coming from George Foreman, I admit it, I was deeply impacted.  There are no relationships without forgiveness.  At least no meaningful ones.

Forgiveness is one of those spiritual arts that is best learned at home, in the family.  Goodness knows we have many occasions there to practice!  If we don’t learn forgiveness at home, it can be very difficult to learn in the world; and if we don’t learn it young, it can be much harder to learn later in life.  That being said, it is never too late to learn or practice this life skill.  So break out that George Foreman Grill (you know you have one) and gather the family around.  Have a burger or a panini and celebrate the art of forgiveness!

Note:  I just read up on George Foreman and discovered two very important pieces of information.  First, he is a native Texan.  Second, he is an ordained minister!  I also found an interview in which he was asked if there could be any circumstance where he would not be able to forgive someone (beliefnet.com, “George Foreman’s Second Chance”).   His response:  “Oh, not in this life now.  I've found my peace of mind.  If you wake up one morning without forgiveness in your heart, you'll wake up without children, without a husband, without a wife.  Forgiveness is the only way that you can bind love and friendship.  Without it, you are empty."  Preach it, George!

The Prolongation of the Incarnation

Pope Francis’ document “The Joy of the Gospel” (Evangelii Gaudium) is not a dense theological read.  It is typically Francis – straightforward, often informal, calling us to something higher.  The document is peppered with what you might call “Francis phrases” – striking phrases that tell a truth and leave an impression.  One of my favorites is Francis’ reference to the “unruly freedom of the Word” (EG 22).  That simple phrase captures the living nature of God’s Word:  the inspiration that breathes life into it, the way it has its own movement and mission, and how it should not be – cannot be – controlled by human beings – not even in their own well-meaning interpretations and applications.  We must accept that God’s Word “accomplishes what it wills in ways that surpass our calculations and ways of thinking” (EG 22).

Another of my favorite phrases from the document is:  “the prolongation of the incarnation” (EG 179).  First of all, it has a nice ring to it!  And it rhymes just as nicely in Spanish (which I would imagine is the language Pope Francis was “thinking in”) as it does in English:  la prolongación de la encarnación.

So what is the “prolongation of the Incarnation”?  What does this poetic phrase mean?  Francis writes:  “God’s word teaches that our brothers and sisters are the prolongation of the incarnation for each of us:  ‘As you did it to one of these, the least of my brethren, you did it to me’ (Mt. 25:40)” (EG 179).  Pope Francis makes the point – and makes it crystal clear – that the Gospel message has implications for how we treat each other.  The “prolongation of the Incarnation” simply means that Christ lives in every human being.  That is one way he continues to be incarnate, continues to be with us.  Therefore if we claim to love him, we must love them.

This is not a new idea, of course.  It is an ancient idea.  In addition to the words of Christ himself, I think of St. John, who the stories say told his own little flock “Love one another” so many times that his disciples got annoyed and asked him why he kept saying it.  He answered, “If you do this, it is enough.”  He did not say this because it didn’t matter if they loved God or not, but because in loving one another, they were loving God very well.  John also wrote, “Those who say, ‘I love God,’ and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen” (1 Jn. 4:20).  That’s another crystal clear way of saying:  when you love your brothers and sisters, you prolong the Incarnation!